Legends, myths, histories and stories

And I'm Thankful For it.

2005-12-31T20:28:00.000+08:00

Current location: Singapore.
Feeling: Bored, heavy and bitter. Just compile them together.
Mission: Update my blog before 00.00 am
Here goes.

Hello people! I'm back! Well, not really back. This is not my hometown.
New Year's Eve, 31st December 2005.
2006 is coming and I'm hoping for the best.
Gonna stay up till 00.00 today, if I can make it.
I've been looking forward to 2006.
2005 has been hell for me. Too many things had happened. Trust me, 80% of those are killing me. Btw, New Year falls on Sunday. WTF! I hate Sunday. It breaks my heart, really.

Okie, enough of the introduction. Let's get straight to the point.
This has been Devina's blogging tradition, to list down every people that have made her life significant or unsignificant every year.
So here goes the list for year 2005.

GESSianIndo - Consists of me, Meriana, Jessy, Collin, Andy, Adhi, Mark, Brian, Vincent, Michael.T, Ryan, Ronald, Yohan and Martin. Not forgetting Leon. Great fellas. I'm so totally in love with them. I felt so natural whenever I was with them. I can bullshit and act stupid in front of them. I bet after this year, there wouldn't be others like us. Indonesians in GESS will not be as united as us. The Indonesians in Sec 1 to 3 are so scattered. So disappointing. Sigh...
Roslina - I'm so surprised. Really surprised. We barely see each other. Barely talk in school. But somehow, we are able to communicate very well in MSN. I've been sharing stuffs with her. Well, personal stuffs. A good listener. She has been there for me, especially you-know-when Ros. I'm seriously thankful to have her as a friend. I love you Ros [I've been saying this more than a thousand times to you Ros]
Syaq - Dearest Boo [Yeah, we took it from that song] Precious. He taught me lots of stuffs since the day I knew him. From the first day I knew him, we *click* really well. We talked 'bout stuffs, any stuffs. Talked on the phone for hours, with Matt too. I remember how my Mum scolded me cause of long talking hours with him. And how the phone bill exploded. Making fun for each other. But somehow, we drifted apart this year. I'm terribly sorry. I was too busy with my own personal stuffs. There's nothing I could do, one word, busy. Sorry.
Jane, Micelle and Sheila - The CHIJ girls. My sayang-s. Hahaha. Got to know them Micelle's N'Level. We studied together for O's, EVERY SINGLE DAY, at Jane's house. Started from noon till late at night. We've gotten really close due to that. There were laughter. Played spiritual game together, which turned out to be our favourite activity until Erwin told us not to play anymore. He claimed it was too dangerous calling spirits.
Herman - OH MY GOD! This guy has been both my boyfriend and girlfriend. He came into my life in my most helpless moment, cheering me up every single day, without fail. Well, I'm still meeting him next year in Australia. My future schoolmate and housemate. Hopefully classmate too.
Elijah - I love his name. Elijah Nelson, how cool is that. My prince. Yeah, we've been calling each other prince and princess for our own pleasure. Because of that, we were mistaken as couple.
Leemel and William - Syaq's band-mate. The Nerves! Lee, the handsome looking dude. He looks like Taufik. William, old skool? Seems like so. Funny guy. He can just crap about anything, anywhere and anytime.
Nadii - She's my crapping mate in class. My dearest and responsible chairman who swept the floor whenever the classroom got dirty. Haha. Poor you. She sat behind me. So, whenever I felt whacky, all I got to do was just to turn around and start disturbing her. A Harry Potter fan. That's how she got her nickname, Draco. Nadii! You're a Draco. I shall Tam Bai you! Muahahaha!!
Chong Hao - One word. LORD! This guy had been a good friend, brother and guidance to me for the whole entire year. I just can't thank him enough for the stuffs he had done to help me through conflicts in life.
Stella - Nobody is as similar as me as this girl. She's like a total twin to me. It feels like she understands every single thing that I went through. The way I felt, she felt it before. Please, don't leave me. I'll be missing a twin then =(
Leroy - The Ah Beng of 4G 2005, a hardworking one though. Seems to be the kind that doesn't care bout anything but his studies and himself. But trust me, he cares for his friend. There was once when he gave me an advice 'bout this bastard. He sorted out my mind. I was seriously "awww" by him. How cool is he. A sentimental guy in disguise.
Richard - You were living proof of what love is all about.

Well, there are still others, but I'm too lazy to list them down. I guess that's it. Sorry if I've missed out some people.

One more thing. I'm going to have a new blog soon. Again, another tradition. I did changed my blog last year right? The only difference now is I'm gonna keep this blog, but it will not be updated anymore. Here's the link ----> www.bottomassup.blogspot.com

Done, I'm tired. No closing speech. Good night and Happy New Year people. Adios.

Meow*18~

HOHOHO!! Merry X'mas Everyone!

2005-12-24T17:48:00.000+08:00

24th of December. Before I forget, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! God loves you. Hehe...
And I suppose today is my cousin's birthday, and tomorrow is Jia Hong's birthday, plus Nataleo and another cousin. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY =D

I don't celebrate X'mas by the way.
My family doesn't bother, and so do I.
Yeah, I used to care sooo much when I was young. I loved X'mas to the core. Especially after I heard those little stories about how Santa comes down through the chimney, and put those presents besides the X'mas trees.
I mean, I totally loved that fat huge old man with his red cloaks. And ya, not forgetting his white beard, that looks like a whole clump of snow. So adorable.
But right now, I've lost interest in him. Not only him. Basically the whole idea of meeting Mr Santa and to get a whole bag of presents in it.

I had a dream.
It is to live in a city with snow pouring down during christmas time.
And then I would like to sit inside the living room, with my family, having turkey, champagne, un-wrapping the presents. We laugh at our own silly jokes, exchanging presents.
How sweet is that man?
And ya! Not forgetting the snow! I'll bury myself in it. I'll swallow it down my throat.
Love it.
However, the dream is *poof* Gone!
No idea why. Perhaps cause I'm just tired to wait for that particular dream to happen.
Or perhaps 'cause I'm growing up.

Right now, I'm having so much difficulty in typing.
I bit my finger that it bled.
I know, disgusting right? But hey, it's my habit. Can't change it.
My mum once told me, that I should "apply" chilly on each of my every finger, so that I won't bite it cause I know it'll burn my tongue.

Okie, back to X'mas eve.
What a day! I'm stuck at home.
All that I can do today is to watch DVDs after DVDs. In fact, I just watched Elizabethtown.
You know, that show. Ya, that show lor. That one!! Nevermind, I'm lame.
It is extremely sweet! How Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst met up and then chatted on the phone for long hours. Awww... They're perfect man, sooo god damn perfect.
The first section was kinda slow. Too chim for me to understand.
But what the heck, I recommend this show to all of you out there.
One tip. Listen to what Kirsten has got to say. They're beautiful and meaningful. [not that I understand every single thing she says]
I guess I'll be watching Just Like Heaven next.
There're still others, lining up, waiting for their turns. Such as Saw II, Secret Window, Sound of Thuder, etc...
Also my newly bought Sims2 and tycoon-s. My new laptop is so loaded with new games.

And ya, guess what I'll be doing tomorrow on Christmas day, Spring Cleaning!
Going back to another house, to clean it. It is covered with dusts.
Damn I'm so gonna enjoy this. So, adios people. I'm out of here! Dinner time!!

P.S. I know there's no biggy about this blog. But that's the whole point! I'm bored to the ultimate. BOO HOO

Meow*18~

I'm feeling it. The L-O-V-E

2005-12-17T16:13:00.000+08:00

Okie, in case you people are wondering what the hell is wrong with my title, here it goes.
I LOVE MY FRIENDS!
Cut the crap.
I'm at Indo now. I'll be here for 31 days, to be exact.
So, how's life over there Dev?
Ummm, not bad. Kinda boring. Play X-Box every single day. Daily life routine: wake up, breakfast, bathe, play x-b0x, lunch, watch new DVD-s, sleep, wake up again, bathe, dinner, watch tv or play computer, and back to sleep again!
I'm missing a few people now. Herman, Jane, Sheila, Ros, Nadiah, Syaq and Eli.
Yeah, what a life. Bleagh.

However, there was this particular day, so memorable. I had fun man. Awesome =D
Went to Dufan [Indonesian Theme Park] with my bro, Adhi, Andy, Michael.T, Mer, Jes, and Vince. As usual, Adhi picked me up. My car was not available. We were the first 4 noble people to reach there [Bro, me, Mer, Adhi] Some heartless people like Vince, Jes, and Andy arrived like, 2 hrs after us. Mike was slightly earlier than them, but still, you're sooo late boy! Of course, we weren't stupid, we played first. Halilintar was like woah! High-speed machine, and we got turned by 180 degrees with super high-speed. Screamed my lungs out I tell ya. Scary....
The rest of the rides were fine, thrilling and exciting. We were so god damn noisy. Ribut sendiri =P People were like, huh? why are they shouting like some mad ass?
The last ride, Arum Jeram [is it?] was superrrr wow! I don't even know how to explain. That was the first ride where 8 people can sit together as a group. Usually we were divided 4 by 4. Two times! And I always get soaked. Vince was the ultimate one. The water was like, byurr, swallowed him up. Lucky enough, our cell-phones were perfectly fine despite having a bath.
High quality cell-phones. So hurry! Stocks limited!!
I wonder how much they'll pay me for advertising Nokia.
So, obviously all of us were darn wet, underwear, shirt, pants, shoes or slippers. It was so hard for me to even sit down on a chair. Feels so fucking uncomfortable. Urgh..
Off we go then, at 6 P.M, to Bakmi GM.
Definition of Bakmi GM: The BEST bakmi I've ever tasted. Even better than the one my mum
made [hey, c'mon, I'm just being honest. Karma won't get me for being honest]
2 servings! Uber hungry. Actually, after 2 servings, I was still hungry.
I was so tired the day after that, slept the whole day throughout.
Then yesterday, went to play go-kart. Not the usual go-kart that you can find in Singapore.
Adhi was there, not forgetting Vince, Jes, Brian, Collin and Hawker.
Got 3 blue-blacks due to the hard knock-out. There goes my leg.
And my hands are aching now. 2nd game and my hands couldn't take it anymore. Useless bitches.
Nevertheless, I had fun. Thanks guys, for inviting me. Love you guys.

L-O-V-E

Adhi, Vince, Mike and Brian are leaving soon. A few more days. After this I don't know when will I ever see you guys again. 1 year? 2 years? Whatever it is, when you guys are back in Singapore or Indonesia, just call me alright? =)

Dewa - Satu

Aku ini, adalah dirimu
Cinta ini, adalah cintamu

Aku ini, adalah dirimu
Jiwa ini, adalah jiwamu
Rindu ini adalah rindumu
Darah ini adalah darahmu

Tak ada yang lain, selain dirimu
Yang selalu kupuja
Kusebut namamu, di setiap hembusan napasku
Kusebut namamu
Kusebut namamu

Dengan tanganmu aku menyentuh
Dengan kakimu aku berjalan

Dengan matamu ku memandang
Dengan telingamu ku mendengar
Dengan lidahmu aku bicara
Dengan hatimu aku merasa

Tak ada yang lain, selain dirimu
Yang selalu kupuja
Kusebut namamu, di setiap hembusan napasku
Kusebut namamu
Kusebut namamu

FUCK IT! I'M CRAZEEE BOUT THIS SONG! Download okie? Must! Can't find it? Call me. I'm so ready to share good stuffs with people. How nice.

Meow*18~

Don't Let It Go

2005-11-26T18:41:00.000+08:00

O's is finally over.
Frankly speaking, I don't think there's such a big deal about it.
Yeah, no doubt I'm happy. No more books till next year. No more Secondary School life. No more uniforms. No more school rules. Basically I'm a free man! From school only of course.
Life in Melbourne will be a complete different change next year. College. No uniform. No school rules. New environment.
Still, completing my mission through hell of O' Level doesn't excite me very much. I have no idea why. Something's missing. But I don't know what.
Enough said of O's. What's done is done. Let's hope for the best.

Hm..Let's see. What have I been doing after O's.
Shopped shopped shopped and watched HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE!! Of course, more shopping is coming =P I brought pants after pants. A handbag, a dress and a high heel shoes. Completely gorgeous I tell ya'
Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire is brilliant!!
I love Krum! Charming! I wanna marry him!! Wee =D Cho is sweet. Hermoine is beautiful. Fred and George are super adorable. Ron is getting uglier but still, he has a nice red hair. Neville is tall! OMG!! I can't believe it. He is skinny and tall. Taller than Harry by a head. Malfoy is still as handsome as ever, but he didn't appear much in the show. Poor Nadii. No more pure-blood for you. Haha XD I wanna watch it again!

Went to Mer's house on 23rd, for a bbq party. Apparently there wasn't bbq at all.
Many came. All GESSianIndo, 2 IndoQuest, 2 CHIJ girls [my sayang] and some other people. Old friends, just to keep it short. I had so much fun that I wished it wouldn't end. All of us brought gifts, cause there was supposed to be an exchange gifts programme. Herman and Collin got the most "beautiful" gift of all! G-strings!! Haha XD Eh, kalo udah dipake foto trus kirimin ke gue ya! Gue kan mau liat temen temen gue yg seksi banget! I bought a watch. Adhi has it now. Eh gay boy, harus disimpan tuh. Oleh oleh dari temen terbaik mu =P As for me, I got a cup, Erica's. Thanks ya Erica. Kita emank belom kenal lama. Tapi thanks for the cup ya =) Gue bawa ke Melbourne deh. Played Police and Thief too. Great fun I tell ya' =D
Love all of my GESSianIndo. They're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I treasure them lots. We'll be seperated soon. Keep in touch ya? I will really really miss you guys. I love you guys so much! Life will be no fun without you guys =( This friendship will not be replaced. Once again, I LOVE YOU GUYS LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS!

Prom night was yesterday. It was alright. Kinda boring, but I love to see how friends got together, hugged each other. You know, the brotherly love. So heart-warming =)
Everybody dressed their best. Okie, I confess, I didn't really bother to dress up, cause I don't think it's worth the money. Mer and Jessy were absolutely beautiful with their dresses. Joveenath looked so cool with his new coloured hair. It really suits him. Jovee! See lar, I've got a crush on you already. Haha =D kidding. But you really looked so darn sexy yesterday night.
Syaq and Eli looked charming too, just like international models! Haha XD Not forgetting Sulaiman, suave in his own way.
Thanks for the compliment Eli. You're my forever Prince =)
Some people know that I'm leaving to Australia soon. Not gonna come back to Singapore for at least a year. Hugged and got hugged. I love my friends. Though I hate GESS, one thing that really made me feel so attached to this school is my friends. They're a bunch of wonderful people. Azar! Don't forget to send me that photo alright.

As for today, went to Escape Theme Park [or whatever you call it] with Vince, Jes, Herman, Andy, Jef and Adhi. Few people are missing. They're a bunch of hum ji baka lar!! Haha XD They're so gonna kill me.
I never had so much fun this year. I must admit, today had been the most fun day I've ever had this year. I screamed like one mad-ass. I ran like a small kid. Basically, I was 10 years-old today. It felt soooo good. And stupid =))
Wet & Wild was fun. Everyone was super duper wet. Andy and me were so cold that we couldn't stop shivering. Our shirts were smelly. Shoes and slippers were soaked with water. Nevertheless, I love it!

For Vince: Mudah mudahan loe enjoy hari ini. Hari terakhir loe, I know it's hard for you. Yang penting, nanti di Indo jangan lupa cari gue ya. Nanti kita keluar bareng lagi ama anak anak yang lain =) Love ya lots bro. Take care alright! I'll miss you!

For Jane: Leaving tommorow right? Keep in touch ya sayang. Gue bakal kangen banget ama loe, and also our studying sessions before O's. Jangan lupa ama yayank loe yang di Melbourne ya =))

For Chong Hao: Lao Da! Why the hell you leave so fast? Worst, not even coming back on January! I have lots and lots and lots of things to tell you. But I don't know how. So, I guess I can only say "thanks!!" for everything that you had done for me this year. You have been a great friend, help and guidance. Wishing you all the best =)

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.

You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.

You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!

A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Meow*18~

Echo

2005-11-06T16:33:00.000+08:00

Waking up from my beauty sleep is such a drag.
Don't get me wrong. It's not about getting my ass up the bed early in the morning.
I'm totally cool with me. In fact, I'm not like the others who can sleep their lives away until 2 P.M in the afternoon.
It's all about the unbearable feeling that I get whenever I wake up.
It feels like as if my heart is ripped off.
It tastes like a stream of blood.
I grab my chest, hoping it would go away.
Eventually, it does. But still, I don't enjoy it!
Just like what everybody says, you just wanna sleep and never to wake up again.
No I'm not talking about death here.
When I'm sleeping, there's no worries. I'm living in my own world. The universe that I've created myself, be it good or bad.
However, once I open my eyes wide, reality just starts to flow into me.
To tell you the truth, the reality right now sucks totally. Bad stuffs happened to me this year. Too much. And to think this temple said that 2005 is a good year for da dragons. Yeah right...
Like thousands of virus, attacking you, gorging on you.
I wanna get past the days, as fast as possible, just like a speed of light. Especially when I'm moving to Australia for further studies next year. I'm just uber excited.
But I know, in order to get past the days, I gotta go through the standard procedure.
Yeap, you guessed it. I have to "wake up" everyday! Get what I mean? I have to feel that fucking terribe feeling every single day.
Most have problem in sleeping, but not me. I have a BIG problem in waking up.
It has been like this for the whole year, except for this period of time, when everything seemed perfect. But it's a secret. So, slit my throat if you wanna know =P

Anyway, just wanna add on to what Roslina posted in her blog.
Yeap. Those 3 beautiful words : "I-Love-You" has no meaning anymore. I just don't get it. Some idiots can actually "love" 3 girls or guys in a month. I know some of them. Don't ask cause I'm not gonna tell who. People! *knock knock* Hello?? There's a difference between to love and to like. Get it right. I can't define love, but I can define "like" and crush". They're both the same, the period of flirting, when you can get bored easily with the opposite partner. But it doesn't matter anymore. Right now, everybody can use it anywhere, anytime and anyhow. It's like, hey, c'mon, where's the love? Cause it doesn't exist in that phrase anymore. Right Ros? *winks* Whatever it is, I love you Ros =) My punching bag. [Hey, Love has no significant meaning anymore right?]
Anyway, conclusion made, there's no love in this world. It doesn't exist right now. So, come up with something more creative to express that so called "love" feeling. Anyone?

Lucky her

I was watching Daredevil out of boredom. And I just noticed something. Ben Affleck is so HOT in this particular show. See that girl? Jennifer Garner. Damn she's so lucky to kiss him. He's awesome I tell ya. His grey eyes [cause he's blind] and his smile! Oh my god my heart is pumping blood faster than ever. I'd like him if not for the fact he was once with the ever disgusting J Lo. Wasted! But still, he's hot! =))

Let's Do It All Over Again

Some people are like that.
They split up and then they think:
Hey, maybe we haven't hurt each other to the uttermost.
Let's meet up and have a drink.

Let's go over it all again.
Let's rake over tha dirt.
Let me pick that scab of yours.
Does it hurt?

Let's go over what went wrong.
How and why and when.
Let's go over what went wrong.
Again and again.

We hurt each other badly once.
We said a lot of nasty stuff.
But lately I've been thinking how
I didn't hurt you enough.

Maybe there's more where that came from,
something more malign.
Let me damage you again.
For the sake of auld lang syne.

Yes let me see you bleed again.
For the sake of auld lang syne

Meow*18~

Happy People

2005-10-02T17:01:00.000+08:00

Woah.. I'm so so so freaking bored. I hate Sundays! So gloomy, and lonely and pointless. I'm stuck at home right now, with burning throats and feverish head. Went to the doctor this morning. I was uber blur that I took the wrong train on my way back home. And it took me quite some times to realise it. God, what the hell is wrong with me?!
Anyway, went to watch Corpse Bride, with Sheila, Michelle and Herman. Kinda interesting, though I agree it is not as nice as Nightmare Before Christmas. But still, it's an enjoyable one. Oh well, it's worth the 9 bucks. What's more, met Viktor and Budi and Richard. He was afraid to look at me. Remorseful? Or he just didn't notice me? Oh well, whatever it was, it's over, once and for all. Though sometimes I miss those times with him by my side. But still, even though we're able to start anew, it will never be the same, cause the trust is not there anymore.
Headed to Jane's house after that, went to do some revision. A maths and Chemistry. Suicide I tell ya. I was scratching my head throughout, wondering "how the fuck am I suppose to solve this question??"
Moving on!! Don't know what the hell to post, so let's do something kinda random, like : 30 random things 'bout me. Here goes.

I'm Indonesian [I suppose you people know bout this already]
But still, I'm a Chinese.
17 this year. [I feel so much older already]
Under certain circumstances, I'm 4.25 years old.
Wanna know why? Cause I'm born on 29th February 1988 [yeah yeah, 4 yrs once, whatever]
Sometimes, I think it is sooo unfair that I have to buy presents for my friends every single year, while I get it only 4 years once. Where's the love??
My favourite colour is gray.
I don't hate pink. It's just that they're too girly for a person like me.
I ain't lian!! There has been a grave misunderstanding.
I ain't a spoilt brat like any other Indonesian girls, mind you.
I'm not a flirt. I just feel more comfortable with my guy friends. But that doesn't mean I don't have any girl friends. I have dozens of them.
I have the hot for Malay guys XD [don't ask me why, they're just gorgeous]
Boy, do I hate liars and two timers. Alot!! I hope they'll suffer for the rest of their lifes.
I love every single type of music, be it classical, jazz, hip hop, rap etc.
I hate vegetables! In fact, I don't consume them. They're disgusting.
I love sushi! Hell lots!
The first feature of a guy that catches my eyes is his smile. And oh, his eyes =))
I don't go to places such as pub or disco. They're for sore losers [I think]
I'm pessimistic and hot tempered. [Mer, you know this, in fact, you made me realised this characteristic of mine]
I tend to believe people way tooooo easily [So, please keep me away from those villains]
I'm materialistic. $$ is the most important thing on Earth. Love is nothing compared to money. If you asked me to choose one, the probability of me choosing the cash will be 9/10.
I'm not that much of a nice person. So, please stop telling people I'm super duper uber nice. Cause it's a false statement!!
I hate porn websites. I don't understand why some people enjoy it. Some even said, it's an addiction. What's the point of watching it? Do it! =P But no underage case please.
I don't mind dying early.
Cause from my opinion, to be born in this world means going through the punishment you deserve from your previous life. Does it make any sense?
I love to see multi-racial couple. Such as, Malay guy dating Chinese girl. It's beautiful isn't it?
I love Reno!! [In case you guys don't know who is Reno, he's one of the character of Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children]
I will never ever insult others' physical appearance, except if they insult mine. Then, too bad. Don't blame me if I'm too harsh.
I hate people who always regard themselves as the most pitiful soul in this world. Shut up already. Bad stuffs happen alright. Get over it. There are thousands of others who have much bigger problems than yours.
Lastly, my surname is Pronolo! Not pornolo!

Meow*18~

Drowning

2005-09-23T18:58:00.000+08:00

Censure me.
Awaken me.
Revive me.
Somebody, help for out from this solitude.
I'm drowning, deep into the bottomless pit.
It is recurring, over and over again.

It's a shambles.
Wreckage, destruction.
I need to reclaim myself, my sanity.
But it seems impossible.

Flashes, can't seem to get you out of my head.
I need to get my brain washed.
I'm deploring, but what's the point.
I'm suffocating, over the past.
I'm in an execrable condition, reaching out my hand, hoping that someone grab me.

It's my ego. I'm sorry to say that.
I've done things which are not meant to be.
I manipulated them, envisaged them, and created them.
But maybe, maybe not.
Perhaps it's all meant to be.
Perhaps, it's all written at the back of the palm of dear God.
I don't know.
I seriously don't know.

Meow*18~

Calumny

2005-08-01T22:46:00.000+08:00

I'm all out of words.
Everybody seems to be so faraway.
Inconsolable. Lonesome. Is anybody there?
Seems like everyone has left me.
I can't find anyone to talk to in school.
Snatched. Can't get them back.
Miss one outing and I'm less important to them.
Miss a conversation and I have no idea what the hell they are discussing the very next day.
Didn't get to reply them on msn or sms and I'm named the arrogant one.
A word busy and I'm disdainful.
Having a new friend and I'm ungrateful.
Tried to help, busybody.
Incapable to lend a helping hand, stuck-up.
Friends were once the reason why I liked school.
Invisible.
Discouraged.
Not appreciated.
What's friendship?

I never did changed. I'm just divided. Divided attention. Have to share my time with more people. And giving the best to all of you. I'm sorry if I can't be what you people expect. I'm trying my very best now. Not blaming any of you. Let's say, it's me. It's just me.

Having a gastric problem now. Doctor gave me MC for tomorrow. I can't eat dairy product and spicy stuffs. Porridge will be good. Yeah, sure. Urgh. Gonna miss lessons again. Tsk tsk. Hai ya, pain!! ='(( Bahx...
Tooth tooth tooth. Why must you decay! My must you broke into half in the first place! Argh!! Waste 600 bucks on this stupid tooth. Fuck!! I hate DR Djeng!! $$$$$!! Heart pain. *Crack* Burn Mount Elizabeth!! Mohohoho!! Mojojojo!!

Took this test. And only 6% of those who had taken this test have this result. I didn't know I'm that special. Thought I would be like any other person =P

Your soul is bound to the Black Rose: The
Wicked.

"I am the wicked specemin of sin with no
profound logic to believe in. Hold me tight,
but don't hold me close, I go where I
desire."

The Black Rose is associated with manipulation,
control, and virtuosity. It is governed by the
goddess Psyche and its sign is The Tapestry, or
Crafted Love.

As a Black Rose, you may have a slight wicked
streak running through you. But whether you
are naughty or nice is up for debate. You know
how to get what you want and can work people
for what they're worth. You have great people
skills, but can sometimes be a bit of a control
freak.

It's only 24 hours

Meow*18~

Our Best Yet

2005-07-24T10:04:00.000+08:00

22nd of July. Our very last day.
Starting from February, till July, all of us, had worked so hard for this project. We had given our 101% of attention into this. And our hard works and efforts were finally paid off yesterday. Thank you God. Thank you Orange Dot. And thank you Eldds SYF cast 05' We're all winners!!

Of course, there were other schools such as RI, Commonwealth and Fajar Secondary School joining us too. We're the top four schools. The one who deserves Gold with Honours. Starting from Fajar, GESS, RI and the Commonwealth. Oh ya, Commonwealth, guess what, one of the actor in the Kids Central Channel, Shawn Chen was one of the main lead in Commonwealth's play! It is entitled 4th Floor. It was so touching. I almost cried!! I think, they deserve to be the first, not Fajar. Speaking of Fajar, their director, OMG! He was Mark, Mark Waite! Dang, I'm gonna get a heart attack. Huehue. RI, hilarious. It was brilliant, the ending was a twist. Something different. Especially the part when this guy said, "Do you like our stairs?" Hahaha =D

All these plays, had taught us so much. We might be the second in the whole Singapore, but not in the whole world. There are much better schools than us. Perhaps we were just lucky. But nah, for me, we're good, we're all talented. We created that magic. The magic of theatre. We told the audience the story, whole-heartedly. Our very last day was the day when we acted the best, even better than what we did for SYF. I'm truly proud. Especially those new casts. You guys had taken over jobs from people who quitted, and within a month, you guys had been the fastest learner in drama I've ever seen. Thank you one more time. I love you all.

Jeremiah, once again, thanks for showing us the magic of theatre, once again. For Bino and Freddy, thank you for your times. And James, "one voice, one voice" Haha, it does help us you know =) I'm so gonna miss you guys. This is my last year, except if I retained, which is, touch wood, choy! I'm gonna cry now ='(

Anyway, moving on, forget bout' this. It's over. 120th Anniversary of GESS. I didn't go. A total waste of money and time. So, I ended up watching The Island yesterday night. With the same group of people. Vincent, Richard, Herman, Effendy, Nori and Budi. They smuggled food in my bag! Stupid -___-" Haha, but it was fun though. Went to buy a present for my bro too. It is his birthday next Monday. So, happy birthday Felix. That present is from Richard and me. Hope you like it. Went home late, scolded by my mum. Not wanting to quarrel with her, I kept quiet. Ruined my mood. Ass. It was not my lucky day, don't ask me why. Appreciate it. I was so hungry yesterday night. Didn't get to eat anything for lunch and dinner. Only an egg for breakfast. I could even eat up the whole cow!

Went out to study on my own at Wheelock, Coffee Bean. Drank an ice mocca, sat there for hours. Managed to complete my Social Studies. Then to Crsytal Jade for dinner, celebrating my bro's birthday. I already reserved, but I still had to wait for 45 mins! WTH! So, no no, I have very little patience. Hence, we cancelled da reservation and to Sanur. Stupid C.J. No more! Rahhh..
Oh ya, I saw this big beautiful thing. At Dolls Inc. Tons of Disney characters, in glass boxes. Aww, I'm loving it. But it costs $600++ So, nah, forget it. Too expensive. Would Santa give it to me?

Couldn't go to see The Nerves performing for the 2nd time. Was busy ya' know. Bro's birthday, I gotta be around. Sorry Syaq, Leemel and William. How did it go? Hope you guys made it through. Anyway Syaq, hope you like the present =)

Sis dyed her hair! OMG! What a total change. And ya, she bought this latest Ou De Yang Disc for my bro. He was yearning for that, since ages. No idea what's so nice 'bout his songs -__-"
Ari and Zoe are finally together. After 2 years!! 2 long years! Happy for you guys. Heard it happened on 17th of July, right on Zoe's birthday. Good luck =) And ya, if he dares to bully you, tell me. He'll get what he gives.

I'm quiet. Keeping quiet is me right now. Don't tell much to people, don't react much to people, they're me now. Too busy, sorry. That's all that I can say. Didn't mean to forget all of you. I'm just plain occupied with my own world. 24 hrs a day ain't enough. I need more. People all over are not in best condition. I don't know what to do. Besides, don't think they need me. For them, perhaps, I'm just a friend who come and go. Hence, I prefer keeping quiet. I don't want to be the nosey one. So, again, I keep silent. What Syaq said is true, I'm like a rock.

Guess I'm just paranoid.

Meow*18~

The Truth Starts to Reveal Itself

2005-06-26T22:01:00.000+08:00

Now I know.
Had been wondering what actually was going on. But from this moment onward, no more guessing. I don't have to sit and wonder what the fuck was happening. What did I do wrong or what went wrong. Thanks for being honest, at last, appreciate it. Though it's way too late, but, oh well, better than nothing. Right?
It hurts. Disappointed, upset, injustice.
What did I do wrong to deserve this? Hell I don't know. Warned ya before didn't I? Don't you have any brain? Think boy, think! Please, you're a grown up. Don't be so childish and reckless. Right now, all you can say is just sorry. Worse, you repeated it over and over and over again. What's the deal? Liar liar liar. Don't try to push the blame to the others. Everything started because of you. Didn't know that it is so difficult to be honest, until you told me. Thanks for the extra knowledge ya? I don't ask much, just honesty. Yeah, no doubt, sometimes you do have to lie. A little white lie wouldn't harm. But in this case, it is completely different. Don't know who to trust and what to trust. Dang!
But one thing that I'm sure of, it's over. It's a new beginning. I'm glad I'm so over it. Now I know, I really know.

Okie, moving on! Just a rough summary of what had been happening during the holiday.
HoooooLiday!! Yeah right -___-" Busy busy busy. Art, CCA, homeworks. Let's start with homeworks. C'mon, guys, this is me, Devina! How many times have you guys seen me doing my own homeworks? Or passing up my works on time. Part of the 2F'03 community. A class that pissed off so many teachers, especially Science teachers. Right Nadz? *winks* hehe =P The truth is, I don't even know what kind of homeworks "exist". So, what homework am I talking about here? Dang!
CCA!! Total waste of time. Went to school for 3 straight hours, ended up doing nothing. Cause all of us are just too tired, and it is a part of ELDDS tradition, last minute work, last minute effort. We are the idiots who just sit around during practices. Oh well, a leopard never change its spots. Hehe.. Is that the right phrase [who cares]? Oh ya, because of the last performance, ELDDS people are excused from cross-country. Wee... Thank you thank you! =P
Art, art, art. I've spent a bomb on this thing. Boo hoo hoo =(( Flat broke now. It's super tiring. Photography session under the hot sun. Humid weather. Bahx... I'm like, so sick of it now, not photography, but the "spending money" part. Dang! I feel so bad that I have to spend so much of my parents' money on my art. Well, gonna work after O's, just to earn the money back. I hope. *Cross fingers* Oh ya, to SyaQ, Timothy and Matt, I'm so sorry you guys have to be involved. Blame yourselves for being so handsome. Haha.. That's why you guys are my models. So, be thankful! It's a compliment. Kiddding. I do hope today's will be the last one. Pray hard. Sholat! Hahaha...

Chinese O's is finally over, I hope. Can I at least get a B3? Please? =)) Bless me. Speechless is exactly the perfect word to describe it. Difficult or easy, I don't know. Have no idea. Not chicken feet, not dinosaurus feet, so, I guess, elephant feet? Haha =D What the hell. Lame -___-" I don't wanna take chinese for the rest of the year, it's a torture!

Went to Meriana's sweet 17th birthday on 4th of June. It was a blast! Thanks for inviting girl. Got to know new people, nice people, real nice people =)) Jessy was excited by Mer's older brother. She said he's cute. Not bad, but, nah, no thanks, I'm not available. Haha =D Herman was super noisy, loud-speaker. Richard added on to the situation. They were one hell jokers man! Perfect couple! Don't ya' guys think so? Anyway, Mer, hope you like the presents. It took Adhi and me quite sometimes to find a perfect gift ya' know.

Don't know what has got into me. I've been damn damn damn careless these few days. Example, almost left my handphone in the taxi. Good thing I realized it early and Richard found it for me. Hehe... Thanks baby boy =)) Hey, love your cousins, they're cute, noisy and hyper. Wish I have cousins like them too. Mine are too old to play such games. Haha. I'm ready to switch position =P
Another example, I forgot my house key, only realized it when I was in the bus. So, yeap, had to go back to retrieve it. Am I cursed right now? What's next? Forget to wear my clothes? Hahaha.. What the hell! *Slap slap* Wake up Devina!! XD

Went to library if there wasn't any school. To study, of course. Didn't study much. Somehow I'm in holiday mood and do not wish to look at any book. So, bug off books!

Have been rather tired. Think I'm falling sick. Had gastric problem today. That was why I was so dead during ELDDS. But, in the end, I'm fine, still alive and kicking. Right now, coughing like one mad ass! My lung, i guess. Hm... Should I see a doctor? It has been months, to be more specific, 6 months. And I'm not okie yet. Stupid, waste time, waste money -___-"

Feeling kinda lonely too, at home, and in school. Don't really have anybody to talk to. Somehow, I don't really talk much to people anymore. Some have been telling me I'm sombong [arrogant] or forget old friends. Really? Gee, I don't know. Luckily, Richard is always ready for me. Hahaha... He's willing to be disturbed by me. Thanks! Hahaha XD

Today is the officially last day of HoooLiday, enjoy yourselves boys and girls. And good luck to those who have not complete their homeworks. May the force be with you. Eeee....I HATE STARWARS! School time! I miss my friends!! =)

p.s. Okie, I admit, now I think the song Don't Phunk With My Heart is not that bad.

Meow*18~

The Stench of Hatred will Contaminate Your Heart

2005-06-11T15:46:00.000+08:00

The title, it's from Jeffrey. He taught me something, what's the point of hating those people. Not as if I would be able to kill them and made them suffer. What hatred is doing, is ruining my life further. So, I was thinking yesterday night. Maybe it's time to let it go. All of them.

He said, maybe, he's not coming back. For me, this is an opportunity to really forget about everything. I'm cool now. I'm calm. I'm happy. I'm fine. I'm relax =) Life seems beautiful, now that I've learnt to forgive and to forget and to let go.

Yah, they'd done something which is so cheap and slutty. But hating them won't change anything. So all I can do now is, forgive and forget, try to befriend them. Maybe they're not as bad as I think. Maybe it's the hatred that was playing with my heart back then. I've chosen to let go of one pleasure and run away from thousands misery. [bet u guys don't know wat the hell is this eh? hehehe...] I don't feel disgusted no more now. No more puking. I can walk pass them, look at their photos, look at their friendster profiles without any barrier. I feel so glad, and light, as light as a feather =))

I remember telling Elijah, don't ever hate the people around you, by hating someone, you'll be lacking of a friend. Who knows that person who you used to hate, is actually, your true friend. Do you remember that Eli? When you told me you hate *you know who*. I always advice people, not to hate, but to love. Cause nobody's perfect. All of us are just normal human beings that make mistakes along the way. Right?

This is my principal, how can I forget about it? I used to be the Devina, who never seemed to hate anyone. Though sometimes I called that particular person a bitch or a jerk, I never really meant it. I thought, this time, I would hate them forever. But, hell no! Hey, I wanna be the nice old Devina [not praising myself here] I wanna be the old Devina who had no enemy. The old Devina that loved every single friend she had, and treasured them. The old Devina, that thought, in this world, everybody deserves a somebody, be it as a friend, or as a soul mate, no matter how wickedly evil that person is. So here I am, writing this entry, just wanna tell you guys, I'm back. Well, maybe not completely back, cause this incident had taught me a lesson. I no longer hate anybody. Let it be a lesson, a chapter in my life.

Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity, to apologise to those 3 people whom I used to hate. I'm sorry I didn't give you guys another chance to change, a chance that everybody deserves in this life. God bless you guys. We're friends ya? =)) But still, you guys caused me to flunk my exams =(( But oh well, it's alright. I will work hard and do well for prelim. Wish me luck ya?

Meow*18~

I died before you

2005-05-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

Please man, don't be so fucking stubborn.
You're so fucking selfish man.
You want people to understand you, but I'm begging you, try to understand people first.
I've never been so angry in my life. Never been so fucking agitated. In my whole 17 years life, I'd never been provoked till this state. No one had ever made me so fucking pissed. You must be something.

Next time, please don't give me that kind of fucking attitude that you gave me just now. A boy acting that way? Man, you think it was cool. But too bad, for me, only girls and losers do that. Banging on the door, all those shits, trying to show your fucking attitude to me. Please grow up. What the fuck are you unhappy about man? Tell it right straight onto my face. Don't give me all those sarcastic remarks. Only women have the right to do that. Don't be such an ass. Don't have to lie to me. I ain't dumb. I just prefer to keep quiet, not wanting to add on to your problems. But what the hell, after all this, I get all kind of craps back at me? Don't give me shits by saying, "Oh...She's my good friend, it's my job to protect her." Fuck lar, can't you see the god damn difference. Can't you see what the fuck you're doing? Ada udang di balik batu, yes, that is exactly the way how I look at this matter. It's not so fucking simple. I ain't stupid, hello? Use your fucking brain please. If you noticed, I think I'm smarter than you.
It's all because of you and that two bitches friends of yours, who act so fucking innocent. Yes, what a good actress she is. She deserves an oscar award man, and a long speech to tell people how the fuck she did it. Now the whole sec 3 think that I'm such evil witch.

My life changed 360 degrees ever since 3 of you came into my life. My happiness, *poof*, gone, just like that. Just by one single fucking sentence and it turned out to be a lie, and it happened within a few hours. You said, I ruined your life. Well, let me tell you, 3 of you had ruined my life long ago. You said I killed you just now. Fuck you man, you killed me 2 months ago. An hour ago and 8 weeks ago, wow, what a "small" difference. Do you know how the fuck I get pass these 8 weeks. My friends were telling me I ain't myself. Mum and sis thought I'm mad. My brother thought I'm capable of killing him any moment. To endure, yes, that's the thing that I've been doing. But what I saw yesterday was something that had really turned my engine on. I'm not your punching bag. Don't come and tell me fucks, and tell me nothing had happened actually. Fuck, even though I use my ass to think, I would know that something was definitely going on. Shit man. Yes, even though you tell me the truth, I would not be able to do anything. I wouldn't be able to understand. But fuck, please, can't you see, I wanna be there for you, try to make you feel beta. I feel like I'm not even treated as a friend. It feels like shit. You should know, I'm always there for you whenever you had a problem, since you were in Sec 1. Never once I tried to avoid you when you said you were fucking depressed. I was fucking fine just now. It was you and your dumb ass fan club member who turned the "okay" to "not okay" Please tell your fucking fan club member, give me peace please, at least till my chinese O's finish. Tell them to stop lar. This is super shit man.

Please lar, what the fuck do you want.
This is my O'level year man. I studied hard for 4 years, just for this year. Fucking important year in my life. If I scored badly, that would be the end of me. Don't even think you would have the chance to kill me for the 4th or 5th time as I would be moving away from Singapore.
My chinese O's is coming. Oh wow, is this a way to tell me that I must do well, by trying to ruin my concentration? Wow, is this a way to tell me you care, you're worried 'bout my result? *Clap clap* Well done boy!

A bunch of fucking childish people, come and try to ruin my life. And yes, they're your friends. Just like the way you said before, my friends were trying to ruin your life. See what I mean? You were fucking blaming my friends, so I have the right to blame your friends too. You can protect your shit friend. Therefore, I can protect my friends too from YOU. Don't do it to other people if you don't want other people to do the same thing to you. One thing, I ain't gaining anything by trying to harm your friend. But since you'd brought that up, perhaps it is indeed a good idea to make her cry everyday and see her sulky face in school. Wow, what a sight, looking forward to it.

Sec 3 people, for once, please, don't open your fucking big fat mouth anymore. It's really getting on my nerves. I'm fucking irritated by those words that came out from those mouth. Don't be such a kay poh. I'm sure you guys have better things to do than to gossip about other people's business. Especially those people who are related. Hey bitches, you know who you are. Are you guys happy now? You guys have changed my whole entire life. Might sound so fucking fake but it's true. My whole life have changed.

Can't believe it right? A bunch of immature people can cause so much anger burning in me. That's why I said, they should have won the oscar award. Don't go in front of boys, telling them I bullied both of you. Don't go around telling people, stuffs that I never said before. Fucking liars. Tell me what's the point of ruining my life. They are even capable of making me to fail overall results for my fucking Mid-Year. Must be celebrating now, when you heard from people I get a super fucking bad result. Don't try to act kind, as if you care, like "Oh it's okie." "Oh, it's only Mid-Year, work harder next time ya?" "Hey, cheer up ya?" Fuck, bullshits man. I'm trying to be polite here, if not, I would be the most sarcastic BITCH you've ever seen man. And trust me, you don't want to see that evil side of me. So, back off fuckers.

Guess what Miss Lee said. I was not focus. She could see it in my expression. I've not been producing good piece of work. She knows, I'm not in the right track of my mind, from my exam piece. An A2 student, dropped to B4. How wonderful is that? That's the thing that you bitches want to see right? Failed my Chem and Phy, F9 for both. AM D7, EM B4, MT C5, Combined Humanities C5, Eng D7. See how these shits had affected me? Even an outsider, can see right through me, just by looking at my art work. You guys are the best shits I've ever met. Tell you what, when I die, I'm gonna write down a list, "TOP 10 PEOPLE WHOM I WILL NEVER FORGET IN MY LIFE" and you two bitches are going to be on da top. Special place reserved, 1st and 2nd.

Fuck, I want to cry man, I wanna kill somebody, I wanna....I don't even know what I want anymore. I have no more fucking tears left. It's on purpose right? Try to take everything away from me on this crucial year. Good job. It's working, so god damn PERFECTLY. All those stuffs 3 of you had done to me, they leave a scar, right inside me. Ya, might sound so fucking drama, but that's the fact.

And ya, wanna say thanks to those fuckers who had made my life so god damn interesting. Should have given you guys something as a token of appreciation. Burn in hell mother fuckers.

p.s. When I said my dad is coming, i mean it. What fuck I lie for? Use your brain dummy.

Meow*18~

Burn books!

2005-05-12T14:38:00.000+08:00

Finally, exams are over! Mid year I mean =D

Today is art, and AM 2. Art is never difficult. It's just that I drew for 3 straight hours and my neck is gonna drop off any time =P AM2 is a killer, death sentence -___-" I was scratching my head throughout the whole paper, trying to figure out how the hell to solve the sums. Wonder why AM1 and AM2 are so different. Anyway, main point is, I'm gonna fail that shit. Miss Lee Moi Cheng! Are you trying to kill our brain cells? Humph!

Physics was a killer too. I didn't know how to do every SINGLE sum. Even chemistry was so much easier. Wah.. It was a suicide man. I almost crushed the paper, like last year [my chem paper] but of course, I didn't want to get into any trouble, especially when Mr Kuan was around.

Had been studying aimlessly these few days. Together with Stella, Leroy and Chong Hao, at Qtss Library. They helped me in my studies, especially my Maths. Thanks guys =)) Enjoyed my days with you guys. It was kind of last minute studying, so can't expect a good result for mid year. But..oh well..Who cares, I give up on my mid year. Spent so much money on dinner. Sushi, Pasta Mania, Es Teler 77. Phew.. My wallet is empty now.
Had been sleeping rather late these few days. Around 1 or 12 plus. And that Ari, called me after midnight every single day. Mad ass -___-" But I don't mind, I was still awake anyway =)) He was late today, haha..serve you right. Asked you to sleep early, you refused to listen to me. C lar, late for exams. Hehe =P Anyway, hope you did well for your exam [you beta, cause u just told me yesterday you're going to get A1 for both Maths] Miss ya lots baby boy *hugs*

Although Mid year is over, O'level MT paper is coming, 31st May. Gonna score for this one, A2! Get it done once and for all. Then I can concentrate on other subjects for the other half of the year. Hehe..Think I can make it? Hope so.. * cross finger* Wish me luck ya? =))

Oh ya, Mer, your birthday is like, 2 days before MT paper. Haha..poor you. Sayang, tiga kata, kasihan dech loe... Haha.. [busyet, digebukin dech gue di skolah] Ngomong ngomong, tau dari mau loe gue punya blog. Kok blog gue di-iklanin sich.

D-day, 6th June, start on actual piece of work for O'level Art. Anyway, attention to Syaq, Timothy and Mateen, Miss Lee wanna see us, all together, in the afternoon. Well, it's about the photography session.

Meow*18~

"We want! We want! We want!"

2005-04-26T15:42:00.000+08:00

Lalalala...Wee...We obtained a GOLD WITH HONOURS for out SYF drama! Take note guys, it's not just a Gold, but a Gold with Honours! Our hardworks are finally paid off. Thank you so much God. Puji Tuhan. [Have to go to the temple and pray to Buddha later. Hehe =P]
2nd year of joining SYF. First we got a Gold, and this year, Gold with Honours! No words can describe how happy I am now.

I heard Mr Ghiam [our principal] announced the result just now, I almost cried. But yeah, tried to hold my tears. I told myself "Devina, calm yourself down, don't cry" hehehe =P
Actually, I knew about it since last Friday. It's just that, I wanted to hear it out from Ghiam's
mouth, the phrase "Gold With Honours" Eldds drama, we've made it! We were so unsure at the first time. Especially after the stupid joke by Miss Armstrong that we obtained a Silver. It broke my heart. Stupid woman, what a good actress. I didn't expect we can go this far. Thank you God, one more time, thank you so much. Of course, my greatest thanks to Mr Jeremiah. Sir, thank you for all the hard works, and efforts. Look at what we've achieved. The Magic Of Theatre! Damn I love that phrase soooooooooo much =)) Looking forward to see you again in July. Hehe..He'll need to go through one more round of hell with us around =P

Our Eldds Dance get a Bronze. Hey, no big deal. You guys are marvellous, Within 3 weeks, you guys were able to put up such a good dance. It's a pity that you entered the wrong competition. No matter what happen, you are all winners in our eyes =))

Hm...I heard rumours about people from other CCA groups that they were kinda unhappy when they heard that we obtain Gold With Honours. I'm not gonna reveal any names, about who told me all these rumours. Well, I hope that it's not true. I mean, c'mon, what's there to be unhappy or jealous about. We all bring glory to GESS, right?

Celebrated our success during recess time. Only a few people. I don't know why. Perhaps cause they wanted to keep it simple. Yeah, I understand, but I'm glad I was invited. Thanks guys =)) We brought a mango cake [cause Joel said it reminds him of the colour Gold, too bad no honours, haha... =D] Halfway through it, Zoe came to find me, passed a packet of oreo, I don't know what is it for. Hm... anyway, thanks girl. Left 2 big pieces for Ms Armstrong and Miss Lee Mun Yee. Just a show of our gratitudes. Walked around the whole school like mad idiot just to pass the cake to them -___-"

Oh ya, I don't know whether I should say this or not, in case I got the wrong info. Er..heard that our school is the 2nd in the whole Singapore! And we're going to perform again! Wee... =D hehehe...

This is the result for SYF 2005
-Eldds Drama : Gold with Honours
-Eldds Dance : Bronze
-Choir : Silver
-Military Band : Silver
-Malay Dance : Silver
-Indian Dance : Gold

Conclusion: Not even a single C.O.P!! =D Onward Gessians!

Though I hate GESS [as you guys know, since Sec 1] , this is one of the best experience in my whole secondary school life. Well, it has brought me so much closer to my friends, and my school. Therefore, I think I'm blessed, in one way or another, that I'm am part of Gessians community and have the opportunity to make friends with all the wonderful people in GESS. God bless..

Meow*18~

That's it?

2005-04-14T18:17:00.000+08:00

SYF drama is over... Wee... I'm so freaking happy, but at the same time, sad =(( I won't be able to see Jeremiah, James, Freddy and Bino anymore. Frankly speaking, even though I always complain that they're a bunch of gays [except my beloved Freddy], I actually love them so much. Because of them, GESS ELDDS drama has done a marvellous job.

We had been training for 3 months, non-stop, 3 times a day, from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. Everyone was complaining about the harsh practices, but now, we'll really miss it. The naga, the trees, the costumes. Basically, every single thing. We were trained to tie to bamboo trees properly, how to be grounded, sense of awareness and many more [can't remember =P]

Okie, we stayed in school yesterday night, as in, sleepover. In the music room, "lovely" -___-" It was so freaking cold, but I was too tired to even bother about it. Eventually, I woke up at 4 a.m. in the morning. The floor, how to sleep?? My back, my neck and my head, died. hahahaha...Some people even woke up much earlier than me. Drank a can of redbull, just to keep myself awake. So, we went down to the AVA room by 5.30, ate our breakfast, put on the costumes and get our make-up done. Freddy was late!! Some of the girls started to panic.. Take note, Girls... haha =D Wanna know why? Cause Freddy is so cute and hot! He's in charge of the make-up. So, some of us refused to get our make-up done by Jeremiah and James, and waited for Freddy. Man I looked so freaking weird with those make-up on my face. The lipstick, the eye-shadow and the super red blusher. And ya, not forgetting the eye-liner and the glitters, made me looked like some super gothic bitch. By the time everything finished, it was almost 8. We went to the hall, for the final practise. I was too ashamed to look at the school. I mean, c'mon, the make up!! Aargh... Finally, we leave at 8.15. Away!! [pssst..the bus driver, I love his earring, so cool!! hehe =P]

By the time we reached there, it was 8.30. I think. We had done well, despite da trees, cause they fell. But we managed to save it in time, we were aware of it. So, it looked kinda natural =)) Lovely..When it ended, I almost cried. Frankly speaking, after seeing the other 2 schools's performances, I think ours were still the best. Even one of the judges, wanted a photo of us. hehe...so..can we get a gold? haha...Don't put our hopes too high, we pray together, hope for the best alright?? =))

Went back to school, some of the upper sec people saw us. OMG, so embarrassing!! I ran to the toilet, to wash the make-up off my face, too disgusted by it -____-" Had our lunch together [the whole crew and cast], with another can of red bull =D After drinking 2 cans of red bull, I'm still freaking tired. Now, I really feel like sleeping, but I have to complete my art homework.

Okie, enough of the introduction [wow..so long siak=P]
I really hope we can obtain a gold for our drama SYF, even though we can't, I still want to thank everybody who is involved in SYF. You guys had done so well, and I'm so proud of you guys. Love ya guys so much =D

1. Jeremiah - Thank you for everything, you made it possible for us. Once Gessians forever
Gessians =))

2. James - Yes, although sometimes you embarrassed people in front of everybody, but I know
you actually cared for us, for this play. Thank you for the hard work and the effort. We may appear as if we hate you, but actually, we love you so much.

3. Bino - haha...you weirdo. Always so quiet. However when we got to know you better, you're
so friendly, lame and helpful. Thank you for repairing the props for like, thousands of times. I love the props, especially the dragon. It looks so real. Love you too Bino.

4. Freddy - Wee...the ultimate hottie. haha..every single girl in ELDDS loves you, especially the
upper sec girls. You're so nice, and patient. Thanks for teaching us the dance, even though it was cancelled eventually. I love you the most Freddy. Hahaha =D

5. The sec 1s - Viviane, Shella, Timothy, Shah, Ying Ying, Shean and Farah. You guys, this is the
first year you performed and yet you guys had done such a wonderful job. Keep it up, when the sec 4s leave, we will pass this responsibilities to you guys alright =)) [if I miss any name, my apology, but still, good job people]

6. The sec 3s - Yong Liang, Hannah, Amrit. Yong Liang, the prince! Hahaha...man you looked so
handsome, good job for today, you are so...my prince. Amrit, you gay, thanks for making the
practices enjoyable for me, with all the stupid, lame and funny jokes. Hannah, ai yo, you ah, always so cheerful and those smiles, love it. Good job for today, you really put in your soul into the whole play today.

7. The sec 4s - This include me, and the sec 4s, too many to list down. We had done well in leading the juniors. We put in as much hard work as the rest. Especially Joel and Xiao Xuan, our leaders. Thank you so much for all the scoldings.

8. The sec 5 - Only Mohsen. My beloved darling. Sorry that I've been ignoring you lately. I'm
too busy with my own stuffs. The dragon head, ahahaha... Seriously speaking, today, I could really see the dragon in you, the real life dragon!! You care so much about the whole play. I dare say you're the only one who put in 200% of your effort in this play. Thank you Mohsen, the dragon was alive. Simply beautiful.

9. Teacher - Miss Armstrong! hahaha...what more can I say. Thank you for the effort, for staying back in school until so freaking late together with us =))

10. Others- Thanks for the sms-es. For wishing us all the best. These people include SyaQ, Eli, Ros and Ari. SyaQ, I bought the good luck charm along with me, hehe... Thanks my boo, miss ya lots =))

Well, I'm done. If I missed out any names, I'm seriously sorry. When the result is out, I'll inform you guys, straight away. Wish us, victory!! =D I love you guys so much. This is the best ever, everybody was united, we were together. Gonna have a party on this saturday, please come. I heard Freddy is coming, and Bino!! Wee.. I wanna see you guys. But where's Jeremiah and James =(( I'M SO GONNA MISS SYF!!!

p.s. If you guys wanna know more about it [in case I miss out anything], go to Noreen's, Hannah's and Xue Er's blog. I've linked them already =))

Meow*18~

The Nerves, gotta love them...

2005-03-19T21:39:00.000+08:00

Heya guys =)) Just got back from teens party, which was held at Music Underground. Not bad, it was kinda fun. I had the chance to hang aroung with my beloved friends. SyaQ, Leemel, William, Verapun, Mateen, Xue Er, Jon, Regina and Wei Teck. And not forgetting Charmaine, miss ya so much girl...
The reason why I even bothered to go to this party thingy, was because, my friends were performing. SyaQ, Leemel and William..The Nerves!! You guys rox!! William sang so well, two thumbs up. Leemel looked so cool with his guitar, and SyaQ, looked so energetic. Next time, if you guys are going to perform, inform me ya? I wanna go and see you guys perform again =D That was the first time I saw Leemel, 3rd time I saw William.
Leemel...God damn it, he's so good looking. And I mean it. He has the eyes of Taufik Batisah. Haha =D Not as cheeky as I expected. But still, one funny guy, so playful. And also, cool. But still, he can't beat SyaQ in term of his smile. My boo still has the cutest smile ever =P
William, still as funny as ever. A joker, crappy. No wonder SyaQ loves him so much.. I love him too. Wahahaha...

The Nerves, compared to the rest of the bands, who performed tonight, was the best. The second one, man, horrible. Even Charmaine said so -___-" They should consider quitting the band.

Okie, the most suprising news is, I WORE A SKIRT!! Man, I looked so freaking weird. It had been months since I last wore a skirt. I think I looked like a loser with skirt. My bro even fall off the chair when he saw me with a skirt. He was like "You ain't my sis" -____-" It's a green skirt, navy green. Kinda short, but hey, it is a skirt, so, no biggie.
Thank you so much for inviting my boo, and Jing Shen too. I enjoyed it, though I didn't get much chance to dance with Charmaine. Psst..she is a good dancer =P
Alright, out of here, back to my Social Studies holiday homework. Cya =]

p.s. You wore the chain...Wee!! =D Thought you forgot all about it. Sorry I didn't wear the chain you gave me. It is much too big for my hand. Maaf ya~

Meow*18~

Tears from a shattered heart...

2005-01-07T14:07:00.000+08:00

It's never good, to be betrayed.
Ya...I know, betrayed is such a strong and harsh word. But that is exactly what I've been feeling for the past 2 to 3 days.
A trust, that is totally betrayed by my own family. Two who I totally have respect on. I'm not revealing any names.

Actually, I was planning not to post any entries before I can completely forget about "him".
Therefore, I terminated by previous blog, to refrain myself from writing anything that is connected to "him".
But, this time, I have no other choice, the only thing that I can completely turn to is my blog.
Hence, here I am, writing an entry, pouring out all my feeling.
Don't be mistaken, I did talk to a friend. This particular friend, I trust him, with all my heart.
However, I couldn't really tell him the whole story.
I'll start crying whenever I think about it. And that causes me not to be able to talk to him.

You see, I'm suppose to plan about what will I be doing for my O'level art project, which apparently will last for about..let's say..8 to 9 months.
Miss Lee (my art teacher) offered me to pick up photography as my project.
For your information, I have complete interest in photography since I was in secondary 1.
To me, this is like, a given opportunity to take up my own interest, free of charge...
But..
She told me that I'll have to buy my own camera, be it the manual or the digital one.
This was when all the problems started...
You people should have known better, that it is not that cheap to purchase a camera.
According to my teacher, it costs about $1000+
Got your attention didn't I?
Ya!! It is so god damn expensive, it costs a bomb.
So I went home, knowing that my mum and dad would never agree to this term, and true enough, they nagged at me, and said that it's a waste of money.
True there, I know that $1000 is not a small sum.

Next day, I went to look for Miss Lee again, discussed about the bombastic cash problem to her.
She understood, she agreed, it would be such a waste if i bought a $1000+ camera just for my o'level project.
So..she suggested, why not the $500 one. It's a manual SLR camera. And with this, I can learn more. (digital cameras are for idiots, and manual cameras are for professional, according to Miss Lee)
Again, I went home, brought up this matter to my mum.
I don't know why, she was kinda pissed off..
Well, it's not a must for me to choose photography.
She called my dad, complained to him. (as always, old method)
And there he was, nagging at me through the line...bla bla bla..
I was not affected at first, until he said "actually, art is not an easy subject, I'm not sure that you're talented enough to do it. I think your sis is more gifted in art than u do."

There, my heart, painful, so painful, it was tearing apart...
As if a thousand knives were stabbed into it..
I kept mum....listening and listening and listening, to what he'd got to say about this...
I was being compared!! to my elder sis..
Yes, it's true..I'll never be as good as her. But...he didn't have to make it so clear, by saying all those words to me..
Already I'm disappointed..
But my mum added on to it.....

The last two days, I asked her about her opinion about my O'level project, what am I suppose to do. How about the camera and the photography idea...
She raised her voice, "you really think that you're up to it?! According to what I see, you're actually not talented in art, not suppose to take art as an extra subject in the first place"
My mum!! She actually said that to me!!
She was the reason why I took art as an extra subject in sec 3.
I was worried that I'm not up to standard, I was worried that I would not be able to cope with it.
She was the one who encouraged me to take it, give it a try..
She was sure that her daughter is gifted in art skill, that she'd been chosen among 200+ plus students to continue with art in sec 3.
It was a lie from the start!! She didn't mean that..She's just trying to get rid of me, stop bugging her with questions whether I should join art class or not..
She lied!! It was a lie.

Yesterday night, she repeated the same remarks to me again.
Shut up!! Shut up!! Shut up!!
Please stop yelling...
I cried. Yes..I've been crying because of this for the past 2 to 3 days.
But yesterday night, was the longest.

I walked out of the room, scribbled the word "shut up" all over my paper.
In fact, I wrote it for about, 2 pieces of writing paper.
I was too sad and angry to say anything, all I did was cry and cry and cry.
So..I carried on scribbling.

At this point of time, I sms-ed SyaQ.
Just needed someone to talk to..
I was really really sad, angry, heart-broken..
Sorry for the vulgarities that I'd said to you yesterday.
I know that I was really rude, but..I couldn't control it.

Perhaps all of you think that, "oh man...she's such a drama mama." or "such a petty girl"
But you guys don't understand...
A trust that is betrayed..
By your own family member.
The one who should be supporting you, showering you with all the loves.
I really do not know who to trust anymore..
My heart is still crying..
Even now.

Still, I wanna say a big thank you to Mohsen, Ros, and most importantly, SyaQ,
for cheering me up yesterday night.
Thank you guys..appreaciate it..

This was what I wrote in the class, when I was feeling real helpless and dead:

Realita

Lari...
Bersembunyilah dari realita ini.
Kunjungi dunia khayalanku,
di mana diriku yang sebenarnya diterima dengan hati terbuka.
Lari...
Jauhi semua orang yang menggucilkanku.
Jadilah bagian dari dunia di mimpiku,
di mana semua mengakui kemampuanku;
membanggakanku.
Tetapi dunia ini memang kejam.
Realita...
Pintu menuju khayalan dan dunia mimpi
tak akan pernah terbuka,
untuk manusia yang hina ini.

Meow*18~